


'Tis better to have loved and lost

by thebookthiefstardis



Category: Broadchurch
Genre: F/M, Rated Teen for possible swear words, The relationships are just there in the background
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-18
Updated: 2020-09-13
Packaged: 2021-03-06 10:34:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 6,401
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25968202
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thebookthiefstardis/pseuds/thebookthiefstardis
Summary: Alec Hardy is very close to solving the Sandbrook Murder case. He has the murderer in custody, and he has the smoking gun (or so he thinks.) But just as he is about to solve the toughest case of his career, his world is torn apart by a revelation...Tess Henchard is keeping a huge secret from her husband. Will the revelation destroy her career and their marriage?How the pendant scene might have played out. Mild spoilers for S1 and S2.
Relationships: Alec Hardy & Daisy Hardy, Alec Hardy & Tess Henchard, Daisy Hardy & Tess Henchard, Tess / Dave
Comments: 15
Kudos: 20





	1. Alec

**Author's Note:**

> A huge thank you to norwegianwood for encouragement and beta'ing. 
> 
> I found Tess to be a very interesting character, and I think I'm one of the few people who might have missed her in S3. I always wondered what would have driven her to do what she did, and how she might have faced the fallout of her actions. This is my exploration into that.

Alec finished typing his report, and checked his phone for the fifth time.

It had been three hours since Tess had called him. At last they were ready to close the case on Lee Ashworth. Weeks and months of investigation on this complex and delicate case was finally coming to a close. This must have been the most difficult case Alec had ever worked – and once Tess was back with the evidence she’d said they had found in the back of his car – a pendant that Pippa Gillespie had been wearing the day she died – he could hand it over to his team and finally move on a bit, perhaps spend more time with Tess and Daisy. It must have been particularly hard for Daisy, he mused, because both her parents were stressed and unavailable at the same time; Alec more than Tess. Because in the end, he was responsible for the entire investigation and so the entire delicate balance of it was riding on his shoulders.

Moreover, the families would have some closure. And maybe, just maybe, he could move on from the haunting image of Pippa that seemed like it was seared in his mind forever.

He tried calling Tess again. What was taking her so long? She knew how crucial the evidence was, how important it was that it reached HQ as soon as possible.

Her phone rang and rang until it reached her voicemail. For the fifth time.

Alec didn’t bother saying anything this time, he’d already left a message and there was nothing more that he wanted to add which wasn’t along the lines of “Get a move on! Where the heck have you been?” He’d knew he could be rather short and abrasive while stressed; he’d fought with Tess enough and spent enough sleepless nights on the couch afterwards. He didn’t want another fruitless fight with her, not today.

He went through the case files one more time, making sure that everything else added up, and was busy trying to quench the slowly rising feeling of anger and irritation building up inside him, because where was she and what was taking her so long, when his phone rang.

It was Tess.

He picked it up and tried not to yell impatiently. “Where the hell have you been, Tess? I’ve been calling and calling for the last two hours, and you haven’t picked up, and I’ve been worried, what if you got into an accident or –”

“Alec.” she replied, and it was her tearful tone that stopped her, barely concealed sobs building up.

“What? What’s wrong?”

“The pendant – I – it’s lost. Someone stole it from my car.”

Alec was numb, unable to think or even breathe for a second as Tess dissolved into fearful sobs at the other end of the line.

“Tess?”


	2. Tess

“Tess?”

Tess was shaking as she heard Alec’s voice change on the other end, and she dug harder into Dave’s arms, who was sitting beside her, patiently rubbing her back to try and calm her down so she could speak without sobbing. She was afraid, but afraid for so much more than what Alec knew – and afraid that it would all come out now, in one great burst of tears.

She couldn’t do that. Couldn’t let Alec know, ever, because that would just tear apart the fragile peace that had stabilised between them recently, and what would it do to Daisy? So she swallowed and tried to explain as concisely as she could, because only lies have detail.

“I – so – it was a quick smash-and-grab, someone broke the back window of the car and took my bag and the car radio–”

“Where are you? Are Uniform there yet?” 

“No, you’re the first one I called.” Of course she’d call him first, he was the senior officer in charge. Besides, if SOCO or uniformed officers arrived right now, there was no telling how much more the rumours that were already floating around would multiply.

She heard him swallow on the other end, and a few seconds of silence. Then, as though he was fighting to suppress his anger, she heard him whisper, “How’d they break into your car if you were there?”

She replied, tight-lipped, “I stopped at a hotel. For a drink.”

There were a few muffled sounds, as though he had covered the phone and let loose a string of expletives. His temper was legendary, she knew, and he did not suffer fools gladly either. And she knew just how big, how momentous this mistake was. It was no longer on the scale of a misplaced file or a cluttered desk, this was much, much more serious. It seemed like he was making an effort to not let this escalate into a fight, and though normally she would be proud as she knew the effort it took him, now it just made her feel vaguely sick. She wasn’t sure any more if she was disgusted by herself or Alec, either. 

“Why’d you do that, Tess? You knew how important this was. Why couldn’t you just drink after you came back?”

“I thought I’d... celebrate...” she replied, and felt Dave tense beside her. That part was true. They did think they’d celebrate. Just not quite the celebration Alec would imagine. 

“Celebrate without me?” She heard him mutter, suspicious and a bit hurt. She knew Alec would not buy that for a second, he knew her too well. The sick feeling deepened. 

She decided to sidestep that whole mess for now. “Look, please just get SOCO on the scene. I’ve a feeling it must be local kids, probably, after a quick buck. If we move quickly we might even get them.”

“Yeah, alright.” He quickly ended the call, leaving her to figure out how best to get her story straight. She couldn’t let him find out, not now and definitely not like this. Luckily, hiding things from Alec was second nature to her by now, but she was out of excuses to give to him. And on some level, she craved the freedom it would bring when things were all out in the open.

Dave should leave before they came, she should make him go. But she needed him right now, more than ever before – and besides, he would never go even if she cajoled and begged him. Sweet, stubborn Dave who wouldn’t hurt a fly, who had always looked out for her since the time they met, who’d always lent a listening ear when she’d had a particularly bitter fight with Alec. What would happen to him if Alec got to know? Dave wanted to call the local police first, and let them deal with it, but it had been her decision to call Alec and tell him. She felt she at least owed him some advance warning, and besides he’d had to know sometime. She just wanted to have a modicum of control over how the news was broken to him. 

So now they had to figure out a way for Dave to conceivably have been on the scene with her, for anything that would make this situation any less incriminating than it could have been. She pushed back the hair stuck to her face and looked at Dave, who seemed to be at a loss for words as well.

“What if... Alec calls SOCO, and they called me as backup, and– I could get some of my mates in SOCO to cover for me.” He offered after a few seconds of concentrated effort.

“That’ll never fly. If SOCO’d call anyone first it’d be Sanjeev, and Alec knows that.”

“But he’s doing enquiries for Claire Ashworth’s co-workers without alibis– ”

“And you were supposed to be doing that, but you got Sanj to swap, and that was suspicious enough.” If she and Dave couldn’t even get what they’d said and done in the past straight, they’d never be able to think of something convincing enough. She sighed, exhausted. Where exactly did it all go so wrong? She felt like she was stuck in a funhouse mirror version of the life she’d dreamed she would have with Alec when they first got together. But that image was all turned upside down; here she was with a different man by her side, and Alec was now the enemy.

“What if we just... didn’t. Didn’t say anything. Didn’t lie, for once.” She didn’t know how this sort of reckless abandon had come over her.

Dave understandably balked at that, when all was said and done, Alec was still his boss. “We can’t. Our jobs, and our marriages–”

“Aren’t you tired of this? Sneaking behind everyone’s backs, shagging like animals in the backs of squad cars and couches in HQ, stealing glances when nobody’s looking, and the rumours–”

“Tess–”

“Hiding. Always hiding, living this double life, lying to the people we love. I don’t want to live like this, Dave.”

“I know, darling, I know, but this isn’t the time for this conversation. We’re in the middle of a case, and so much is at stake right now.”

“There’s never going to be a right time!” She wasn’t sure why she was so angry, so insistent, especially as she could see that what Dave said all made sense rationally. If there was never going to be a right time, this was the absolute-rock-bottom wrong time, because they’d just messed up a high-profile case. But somehow, in a perverse sense, that made it the right time as well. Might as well be hanged for a sheep as for a lamb, and then she’d finally be free.

“I can’t.” Dave hung his head. “Please, Tess. We’ll think of something.”

“If you can’t, leave.” She’d made her decision – she could face Alec and deal with the fallout. At least this way she wouldn’t have to deal with two separate fallouts. A kind of recklessness, the kind that you see in cornered animals who sense they’re about to lose but won’t give up without a fight, had taken a firm hold of her now. She couldn’t force her choice on Dave, however.

“You can’t tell the boss, Tess, we’d lose our jobs for that.” 

“We could lose our jobs for this as well. Just go, please, before SOCO get here.”

“This is madness, Tess. Please. We can deal with this pendant thief now, and then when this case is closed we could deal with our families.”

Behind her, a car door slammed. Whatever witty retort she might have had to that died in her throat as she suddenly realised that they were not alone in the parking lot. 

She turned. 

There, ten feet behind her in the entrance to the parking lot, stood Alec. She had never seen him look so tense before – his fist was clenched as if for a fight, but his shoulders were drooping like he’d lost before it had even started. He looked more sad than angry, she realised as the sick feeling returned to her stomach. 

The decision was now out of Dave’s – and her – hands.


	3. Alec

Alec wasn’t quite sure himself what he was thinking as he stood on the other side of the parking lot, taking in the scene before him. He couldn’t quite shake off the dazed feeling inside his brain, like the time he’d slipped on a tennis ball that Daisy had left in the landing and almost broken his arm. Their last chance of nailing Lee had probably vanished, and as the lead officer the responsibility was his. The press had hounded them throughout, pouncing gleefully on every small setback, and he was sure they’d have a field day with it and he couldn’t even blame them for it. He barely knew how he’d made the drive here, trying to figure out what might have happened, trying to tease through all the possible scenarios until he didn’t know what to believe. A white-hot rage threatened to overtake everything else until he caught sight of Tess’ tearful, shocked face, speechless for once. Afraid – of him?

But he knew that he had to reign in his anger. It would be a patently stupid move to fly into a nasty temper. He waited, desperately, for Tess to come up with some explanation that he could hold on to so they could move on to the issue at hand. And before SOCO got here – he couldn’t deal with that, now, on top of everything else. Besides, they had to move fast to catch the pendant thief. Tess was right about that much, at least.

Tess cleared her throat. “Alec. Is SOCO here?”

So she wasn’t going to even try to talk herself out of it – though what _it_ was, Alec could not imagine for the life of him. And though every nerve in his body screamed at him to shout out _What the_ _bloody hell you’re playing at, Tess?_ _None of this makes any sense to me, so would you care to explain?_ , he couldn’t crack first.

“Nearly there.” he replied as evenly as he could. Two could play at this game, and him being calm would throw Tess completely. They had fought enough times for him to recognise the patterns by now, how she would use his anger to disorient him until he didn’t know what the argument had started with. “Take me through what happened?”

That seemed to jolt her into professional cop mode. “So here’s the car – ” their poor car had it’s window all smashed in – “and you can see for yourself, someone smashed the back window –” he mentally noted the shatter pattern, trying to calculate the smash angle, the height of the offender, the force needed to shatter the window the way it had.

“When did this happen?”

“A few minutes before I called you.” Tess replied, as Dave chimed in at the same time, “Nearly half an hour ago.”

Bloody hell. He’d forgotten Dave was here, and what was he doing here, come to think of it? Wasn’t he on duty checking up on the people flagged up as suspicious on door-to-door? There had to be some perfectly innocent explanation, Alec thought to himself desperately. He wanted to believe that. Maybe Tess had requested backup? For searching the car? At any case, he wanted him out of his hair now.

“If you’re done here, DC Abbott, you can be on your way now.”

Dave seemed to glance at Tess, as if to make sure she was all right. Alec looked away, a lump beginning to form in his throat. He couldn’t bear to look at whatever silent conversation they were having right now; he didn’t want to know any more. He scuffed at his feet and cleared his throat once or twice, hoping that Tess would take the hint and get on with it.

“We were inside the hotel.” Tess continued; he looked up and Dave was gone. “I told you, we’d stopped for a drink.”

He suddenly realised he didn’t want her to say anything more, not here, not now, perhaps not ever. He made himself look at her – really, properly look at her, like he hadn’t in a very long time, certainly not since this case had consumed his life. She looked back at him, she’d clearly been crying but she met his gaze with that particular look she had when she’d made her mind up about something.

“We came out as soon as we heard the car alarms.” she seemed unstoppable, like a dam had broken somewhere and she needed to get it all out. _Go on,_ she seemed to be saying. _Ask me. You clearly want to._ Or was that his imagination? Because he did want to, on some level. He wanted to ask her, and wanted her to say _I called for backup and Dave showed up_ , or _You assigned both of us on this, silly_ or even _I_ _ran into him accidentally because we’d both stopped here for a drink, coincidentally._ But another part of him knew better, knew that he would not be able to look the answer in the face and grin and bear it. Knew that it would stop him from doing his duty right now.

He looked away, unable to meet her gaze, and could see police cars arrive at the scene, that must be SOCO.


	4. Tess

Tess turned to look when Alec looked away from her, SOCO were finally here and it was time to get to work if they had any chance of getting back the pendant. She was still distracted, still trying to figure out what Alec was thinking, how much he’d already figured out. But SOCO were approaching and they had bigger problems at hand right now.

She submitted herself to SOCO’s questioning; none of them would quite meet her eye, and she didn’t want to know what they were thinking, what new rumours would spread. She was suddenly glad that Alec made Dave leave; at least nobody else would put two and two together. Yet. Once this got out, nothing would be a secret any more and even the press would have a field day. And she would never be able to hold her head high again, never take on another case without the stigma of this one attached to her.

Oh god. Cate and Ricky. How could she ever face them again, knowing that their little girl’s killer could go scot-free because she couldn’t wait two hours before sleeping with her lover?

They had to find the pendant, she couldn’t let her mistake botch up this case which had already gone on far too long and destroyed far too much. Her earlier convictions were vanishing, she was scared and lonely and all she wanted to do was run and hide. But she knew that this was, in a way, her test; that she had to stand up straight and face the storm she had caused, and so she stood her ground.

At last SOCO were done talking to her, they were moving on to securing the perimeter and scouring the area for evidence. She hoped the parking lot had CCTV; although it would show her and Dave on it, that couldn’t be helped now. Alec was still beside her, somehow. He nudged her and said, “Let’s go.”

They got into the car he’d driven here, and Alec drove in silence, keeping his eyes fixed on the road. He wasn’t giving anything away, his face all closed up and inscrutable like she was a witness he was interviewing. It was slightly unnerving to see it directed towards her, especially when she just wanted it out in the open where they could deal with it. She had to admit to herself, though, that she was as much trapped in their meaningless game as Alec was; she might want it out in the open, but she also wanted Alec to ask her first before she could say it.

She was the first one to break the silence. “Where are we going? Home?” She didn’t particularly like how high and trembling her voice was.

“No, we’re going to HQ. We’ve got work to do.” He sighed. “Lee Ashworth’s custody time is running out, we can’t keep him any longer without further evidence.”

She couldn’t pretend any more, she had to say it. “Alec –”

“And seeing as we don’t have any other suspects, we’ll just have to go through the existing evidence again, look for more leads.” He just kept on talking as if she hadn’t spoken.

“Alec.” She tried again, a little more gently this time.

“No, Tess. I don’t want to hear it right now.” He paused and took a deep breath. “Just... let’s get back first, eh? We have a lot to take care of.”

He didn’t turn to look at her, but his voice was firm, it brooked no arguments. He was probably right, she didn’t want him to crash the car because of the shock or something. Was that even possible? And besides, he had to know already, right? He’d have guessed it by now, he was a detective and bloody good at it as well. She remembered thinking that he’d notice if she and Dave as much as brushed past each other on a crime scene; well, here they were now, she and Dave at a crime scene, and Alec had definitely seen them. Was he just in denial? Or did he know how desperate she was to get it out, and wanted to make her squirm in guilt just a little longer?

And even once they got back to HQ, would he even listen to her then? He’d had a lot of practise at not listening to her; in fact, she wasn’t sure when they’d last had a real conversation. But this wasn’t something they could sweep under the rug that easily, this had consequences for their jobs.

But this had to wait till they reached HQ, so she gave up on the conversation and concentrated on the buildings rushing past, trying not to weep again.


	5. Alec

When they reached the familiar red-brick building that houses South Mercia Police Headquarters, Alec got out of the car immediately, slamming the door behind him in his hurry to get inside. He didn’t look back to see if Tess was following him, he didn’t stop to lock the car. He had work to do, and – if he was perfectly honest – he wanted some distance right now, to process what had just happened. Lee Ashworth, the press, the Chief Super; he had to deal with all of them now, and he knew he needed to focus on _that_ right now, but his mind kept going back to Dave’s presence, Tess saying she’d stopped for a drink, to ‘celebrate’, her face when he’d arrived, sort of fearful, but also defiant...

He’d reached the Chief Super’s office, he realised. He had to let her know about the pendant being lost, about how they had to let Lee go, since they had no new leads. He would have to tell her about Tess stopping for a ‘drink’, and then there would be an enquiry. He wasn’t sure if that was how he wanted everyone to find out about whatever the heck was going on. He stopped and turned; Tess had indeed followed him inside. He made a decision, the first decision of his life where he knew he wasn’t strictly following protocol; if it had been any other DS under him except Tess, he’d have gone to the Chief Super first to get the investigation back on track.

He turned and made for his office instead, and Tess followed him wordlessly, seating herself down on sofa they had to make visitors feel comfortable. Normally, he would sit next to her on the sofa, but nothing about this situation was normal, so he just took his usual seat behind his desk and tried to collect his thoughts.

Mercifully, Tess broke the silence. “Alec, I’m really sorry for what happened –”

That was the final straw, all his contained anger broke upon her at that moment. “Sorry doesn’t really cut it, Tess, and you bloody well know it! This was so much bigger, so much important than anything we’ve ever done before, any other ordinary case – do you realise that _as we speak_ , a person who murdered two little girls may be walking free? What on earth would have possessed you to take leave of your senses like that?”

She didn’t interrupt this angry tirade, nor did she start crying again, which was a relief as Tess was rarely weepy. She knew she had screwed up, she knew he was right.

“Well, go on? And while we’re on the subject, what’s with all the coppers on my team being disobedient and reckless? Why wasn’t Dave on his assigned job? And why on earth did you not take your bag with you even if you absolutely had to stop for a drink? Do you have answers for anything at all, Tess?” He checked his watch and cursed, Lee Ashworth’s time was running out, he had less than an hour left and then he would have to take a decision. Unless uniform and SOCO did a miracle and found the pendant thief, but miracles were in short supply right now.

“In the next half an hour I have to tell the Chief Super that we have to let Lee Ashworth go, that we have no new leads. What should I tell her? Is there anything you can say that would help explain this bloody mess you’ve gotten us into?”

“It was my fault, Alec, and I know it, I know I shouldn’t have stopped there. If I could go back and do this again I would take that chance in a heartbeat. You can tell the Chief Super that. I left the car unattended because I didn’t think it would take that long.” Tess finally replied, her face downcast and turned away from him.

“And the rest? Why did you stop? Why was Dave there?” The desire to know, to confirm, to hear it from her was warring with the desire to leave this mess undisturbed, but he knew it would all come up one way or another. Better to hear it from her, all in one go? He wasn’t sure, it was a gamble.

“I –” Tess paused, and finally looked up. She seemed like she was trying to make up her mind about something, like she was deciding what to tell him and what not to.

“Don’t hide anything.” He warned in the voice that comes automatically to all policemen, after years of training with interrogating suspects.

“Dave swapped with Sanj earlier, because I wanted him to come with me, and that was because... because I’ve been sleeping with him. For a while now.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, the cat is out of the bag now...  
> I'll post the next chapter immediately as well, this is a rubbish cliffhanger to leave things at.


	6. Tess

There. Her dirty, shameful secret was finally out.

Tess realised her words came out vindictive and smug, but there was no polite way to admit to her husband, who was also her boss, that she’d been cheating on him. There were just the bare facts – she had lost the pendant and was also sleeping with her co-worker. She couldn’t look up and meet Alec’s eyes, not after what she said, and he was still painfully silent.

After she and Dave had sex for the first time, that late summer’s night when they’d both worked the night shift, she stayed awake all night, worried about the inevitable day she’d have to break the news to Alec, worried how he’d react when he finally figured it out. As the days and months went by without Alec seeing anything, suspecting anything, she had settled into a sort of complacency, always planning on how to tell Alec, promising herself that this would be the last time, but never acting on those twinges of guilt. Without realising how, she’d grown more and more dependent on Dave, and drifted further and further away from Alec, and the weight of the secret life she was leading was stifling her.

She had hoped she would feel some sort of relief, after. She felt nothing of that sort.

After what seemed like forever, Alec finally muttered, “Since.... when?”

She looked up then, he looked gutted; she couldn’t bear the knowledge that she had put that look on his face. She wished she could hug him, but she knew she’d lost the right.

“Since... before Sandbrook.” She wanted to look away, but she forced herself not to, trying not to let the vicious stirrings of contempt win; she had loved him once, and now she was breaking his heart, at the lowest point of his career so far. Why had she ever imagined this would be a good idea? It was purely a selfish decision, she realised, just like her decision to sleep with Dave; she’d only acted on her desire to bring some relief, without pausing to consider what Alec would go through.

She had never felt so small.

“Alec – I’m really, really sorry.” She felt she had to say something. “I just – I know this isn’t what either of us imagined –”

“No, just shut up, just shut up for a moment.” Alec cut her off abruptly, angrier again. “Was this really the best time for all this, Tess? In the middle of a case? What am I going to say to the Chief Super now, huh? To the press? To Lisa and Pippa’s parents? Did you think of anyone else but yourself, no, of course you didn’t, or we won’t be sitting here like this today. This was beyond irresponsible, this was madness.”

“I’ll talk to the Chief Super.” Tess retorted back. Despite everything, the case took precedence over their lives, like it always had; there could never be a conversation without it. And if she was selfish for thinking so, so be it, she told herself viciously. “I’ll let her know what happened –”

“No, you won’t.” Alec replied. “This happened under my watch, it’s my responsibility.”

“Oh, don’t be all noble and holier-than-thou.” Tess snapped back, almost reflexively. She caught herself and added, slightly mollified, “It was my mistake, Alec, please let me try –”

“This won’t remain between you and the Chief Super anymore!” Alec had left his seat and started pacing around his office. “Everyone will find out, Tess – all our colleagues, our friends, even the press – do you know what that would be like? What it would do to you? To me?” He stopped and looked her straight in the eye. “What would it do to Daisy, to see that plastered in the tabloids about her mum?”

That was her weak spot, and she could see he knew it. Whatever else happened, after everything that she’d lost, she could not lose Daisy too.

But there was no alternative that she could see, nowhere to run and hide this time.

“I’ll talk to Daisy and explain.” She wasn’t convinced herself, and she didn’t convince Alec either, who just snorted. “It’ll be fine, Alec. We’ll weather the press storm, they’ll forget about this and move on, you know what they’re like –”

“You bet I know what they’re like!” Alec was unstoppable now. “You know, Tess, you know first-hand how much they’ve hounded us, you’ve see them lurk around HQ like vultures, just waiting to seize on our mistakes for their scoop. You think they’ll let you off that easily? You think this won’t follow you like a shadow, wherever else you go afterwards? I’ve seen it happen so many times, Tess, you think I’d just leave you to –”

And he just stopped abruptly, and the realisation broke upon them almost simultaneously; they were no longer a unit, a family; they were two separate humans, bound together only in name.

“I’ll worry about all that later.” Tess wasn’t going to back down that easily. “Besides, I don’t think we have any other choice here.”

“We’ll see.” Alec wasn’t backing down either; this was shaping up like a regular argument. “I think you should go home now, Daisy would be back by now.”

“Please, Alec. Don’t do something reckless. Please.” He still loved her, that much she could see, and she’d broken all that and he was hurting and she was very, very afraid.

“Just go home, Tess. We’ll talk about this later.” And without giving her a chance to reply, he strode out of his office, leaving her all alone with her thoughts.


	7. Alec

Alec stormed out of his office, too agitated to notice anyone or anything around him.

He wasn’t paying much attention to where he was going – right now, he just needed to be in motion. He couldn’t quite believe what he’d just heard – and yet, looking back, he thought he could have seen it, should have seen something. How could he have not known? Fat lot of good he was, a detective who didn’t notice his own wife cheating on him.

And how could Tess do this to him? To Daisy? Because even though he had drifted apart from Tess, she was Daisy’s mother. She’d never want Daisy to go through that kind of stuff, but did he even know that about her anymore? What was he supposed to think? To make of all this?

Now he had to go tell the Chief Super, and Tess would probably be suspended. She’d probably even lose her job. Their family would be torn apart – and even worse, they’d be talked about in the papers. The tabloids, the small-town press. What would that do to Daisy? And what would that do to him? The entire country would know him as the useless, incompetent husband.

And it would destroy Tess. Having an affair was rarely forgiven – but having an affair that derailed a major investigation? That sort of event would never leave her, no matter where she went. Her entire life would be destroyed. _So what?_ In some aching corner of his mind, he considered throwing her to the mob and let justice take its course. What else was he supposed to do, anyway? The facts were there. The pendant – the smoking gun – was lost. The man, who he was sure was responsible, would now probably walk free. Someone had to be held responsible for this, and it had to be Tess, as the DS responsible for recovering the pendant.

But – he couldn’t quite bring himself to do it. To walk up to the Chief Super’s office and let her know what had happened. To sit aside and watch as police probes and reporters alike tore their family apart.

_What would it do to Daisy, to know that about her mother, for the rest of her life?_

That thought made up his mind. For the second time in his life, Alec Hardy made a decision where he wasn’t strictly following protocol.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's a small chapter... I'll put up the next one soon :)


	8. Chapter 8

On the way home, Tess replayed the last few months of her life over and over again in her head.

After Alec had stormed out, she’d sat in his office for a while. She knew it was pointless to go after him – he needed that walk to clear his head. But neither could she bring herself to sit there in his office, waiting to see what the verdict was. That momentary courage she’d had while arguing with Alec had left her, and so she did as Alec said and just left. Besides, he was right – Daisy would be home by now.

When the Chief Super would find out about this debacle, she would lose her job for sure – and losing her job would probably mean losing Daisy as well – their marriage was over, the writing had been on the wall for a while, and Daisy was the only thing holding them together. She wanted to cherish the time she got with Daisy as much as possible, she hoped it would give her strength to face what was to come after this.

She’d boldly told Alec that she could weather the press storm – but she wasn’t so sure personally. Her entire life since marriage was here, and now she would have to uproot herself, go somewhere far away, somewhere they wouldn’t know her. But going far away would mean losing Daisy. And after this came out, would Daisy even want to be in contact with her mother?

That was the main regret that Tess would have – that her action would drive away Daisy. For that alone, she wished she could wind back time, to the morning so she wouldn’t have Dave along as they went on the car search, to that summer night so they’d never sleep together. Would she have been any happier over the coming months? She certainly would be happier now.

Somehow, she was too angry with Alec to feel sorry for him, a little contemptuous for his having never noticed until she messed up big time, until it was practically shoved in his face. How much more time would it have taken if it hadn’t affected her job? Or was it just that he’d never think this about her? That he trusted her implicitly? Was she even angry at him, or at herself?

She wasn’t even sure what she felt about Alec any more. Did she love him? Did she think he loved her? She knew he was a good man, and she did feel bad about hurting him, when none of this was really his fault, but she wasn’t blind to his faults as she may have once been. His job would always be his first priority, and she knew now she couldn’t live like that. She’d imagined their life together, and it felt like she was the only one left trying to build it.

“Mum?” Daisy asked as they were doing the dishes together, Daisy was washing and she was just drying them vaguely, lost in her thoughts. “Is Dad coming home today, or is he still on duty?”

“I don’t know, darling. I’m not sure.” Tess was, indeed, getting a little worried; it was past eight, and they should have had to let Lee Ashworth go at least an hour ago. A glimmer of hope was beginning to grow in her mind; maybe they’d found the pendant thief, after all? Maybe none of what she was afraid of had to happen? Well, most of it, at least; Alec would still know about her and Dave, but at least the entire world won’t have to know.

Daisy wasn’t satisfied with her answer, though. “Have you at least seen him all day? Did he eat lunch?”

“I’m sorry, Daisy, I really don’t know. I was away at lunch time.” That did make her wonder. Had Alec even eaten? Probably not lunch, he never stopped for food when he was out. Had he been surviving the entire day on coffee?

“I wish this case got over soon, Mum.”

“Me too. And so does your dad.” That, at least, Tess was still sure of. “Hey, do you want me to come tuck you in?”

“Can’t I wait up a bit? In case Dad comes home?”

“I really don’t know when he’ll come home. Maybe I’ll wake you when he comes?”

“Okay. Goodnight, Mum.”

“Goodnight, Darling.”

Tess waited up for a few more hours, then gave up and went to bed. Alec would probably sleep on the sofa in his office, like usual – at least, she never noticed him come into their room, if he even came home that night.


End file.
